There have been other times as well. What I’m saying is that I function better when I don’t lose control.”“Is this an Army thing? Is this beca...se you can’t be in the Army anymore?”I had to smile at that, but it also made me think. “No, but it’s related. I think one reason I did well in the Army is because the Army is all about control, control and discipline and purpose. It was easy to stay controlled, and that control allowed me to control my men and my unit.”“And now you don’t have it. He’d never really fancied himself an ass man before, but this woman could possibly make him a convert. As she reached for the console to push the ‘door close’ button, he noted a fact about her. She was impatient. Smirking to himself he indulged in a momentary fantasy about getting stuck in here with her and being forced to find a way to distract her, calm her, keep her occupied. But he couldn’t complete the image because he hadn’t noticed her breasts when she walked in, just her eyes. They were. I start to feel the effects of the drug again. The reality that I haven’t had sex in close to two years starts to set in. "Fuck me." I say. "What?" he turns and looks at me with confusion."Fuck me!" I slur, "You came here to fuck me, so fuck me." I don't feel like I'm in control of what I'm saying. At the same time I'm sitting here telling this rapist to come back and fuck me. I'm trying to will myself, crying out, wanting, begging myself to fight and make him leave. None of those words make it. If we do break up, it won't be for money, and if I do discover he's testing me, I can't guarantee we'll be leaving here as a couple. I'm sick and tired of having to jump through hoops and being scrutinised about not being honest by everyone. My father, Liam, William, James, Selena and now his mother. Even his brother checked me out today, probably at her command. How many fucking times do I need to prove that I'm not trying to use him? And this is on top of finding out he has an illegitimate.
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Almost as soon as we got in the car, her hand was on my leg, not in a sexual way, but just touching me.I had bought tickets and we headed to the lates
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