Mark watched as I squatted on the toilet. He started running the shower. I asked, “Can’t I do this myself?” Mark swung back his arm and swatted ...e across my ass again. Tears formed. I did as I said. He told me to shave every hair off my body and I mean every hair s*s. I did as told. He then told me to kneel with my head down and my ass up in the air. “This is position #1 s*s and don’t ever forget it. “Yes Mark.” “For now on you call me sir.” He placed the rubber tube into my rectum. I felt a. Weather guys said it would rain tonight, I don’t give a shit. They’re always wrong anyway. Six: Abandon the bike. Buy a one way ticket to New York from the machine. Pay cash. Seven: Board the train, wait a few hours, get in a bathroom, cut my shoulder length hair into whatever isn’t shoulder length hair. Bleach the fuck out of it. I don’t want to change my hair colour, I like my natural dark brown, but I have to change it. If Emily and Josh report me missing, they’ll be looking for a brown. As girly as possible I did it for the camera,even putting my arms around his neck for a 2nd French kiss. As I got thefood from the oven I began to wonder why I was no longer nervous, why wasI such a willing participant?Bill held the door for me as I carried the food out to the dark deckwhere we ate and talked. We talked about everything but mostly about me:* How old was I, where did I grow up, siblings?* How was work, did I like it, how long had I been there?* Why did I dress up, when did it. In my mind I was acting and perfectly butch male actors dressedup as women all the time.But in this world of make believe I had not expected the strong feelingsI was now having. In feeling both wanted and that I was part ofsomething at last I had found something that I both wanted and neededI had not expected to be saying upon my first visit to my mother'smosque "I bear witness that there is no God worthy to be worshipped butAllah and I bear witness that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah."But.
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