She had had some charges alleged about harassment, and this was the reason for the camera. I asked what kind of harassment and she replied verbal, but...this was a new twist. The video showed the entire sex act we had engaged in, and I was embarrassing to say the least. When the video stopped I just stood there, looking over her shoulder not knowing what to say or do, so I didn't do anything, just stood there wondering what would happen next. Finally Barbara said “did she do or say anything to. So, are you telling me it's sore from horseback riding?" No." Good." Her expression didn't change when I said that, and that was disconcerting. Nevertheless, I said, "Since it's not sore from horseback riding, I'm under no obligation to do so."Women are born with the ability to look perfectly charming and at peace with the world while at the same time communicating the message, "I have you by the balls, and I'm going to rip them off." It's an effective survival skill that keeps men from killing. But, of course, what they did when I was not present was their affair. As far as I could see, none of us had any true intimacy, as I define it, with each other and in my case I had no true intimacy with any other human being. Simply put, not one of us had found our life’s partner. The fact that we all fucked around with each other without any note of proprietary jealousy being aroused in any of us, seemed to me a sure sign that we were just good friends but no more: not one of us felt he had. I wasn't just a whipping boy taking the abuse. I was biding my time, waiting for them to make a mistake. Admittedly I had been biding my time for several years at this point, but if they kept me alive they would have to slip up, eventually. I had gotten close to making a break for it, twice before. The guards had gotten lax. Once they had not frisked me properly, and another time they had not latched a window in a house where I was being kept. In both instances, one of Qasim's two lieutenants.
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